This may surprise you, but often one of the main concerns after learning of a husband’s affair is not the wife’s feelings but her husband’s. If you ask very honest wives what their most immediate concern is in the first few days after the infidelity has been discovered, many will tell you that what worries them most is not necessarily sex, but their husband’s emotional feelings. He worries about what her husband still feels about them and what kind of emotions he feels towards the other woman.
If you have never been the wife in this situation, this may seem quite strange to you. But you’ve been there like I have, you probably know exactly what I mean. You can be absolutely furious with your husband and uncertain about the future of your marriage, and at the same time worry if the same man who betrayed you still loves you, oddly enough.
And while this process may sound strange, it actually makes a lot of sense to me. That’s because love doesn’t turn off like a faucet or dry up like a fountain. Disappointment or even pain doesn’t make it stop immediately. Even if you think your husband doesn’t deserve your love, you may still feel it. And then it is logical that you want him to feel this for you too.
I heard from a wife who felt the same way. She said: “Part of me hates my husband for having an affair. There are days I don’t want to have anything to do with him at all. And then there are days I don’t want to throw my marriage away. This other one woman is not It is not worth that. A mistake is not worth that. The biggest problem we are having now is that I find it hard to believe him when he says that he loves me now and never stopped loving me. I will immediately have horrible thoughts like he was not thinking of his love for me when I was with another woman. It’s so hard for me to understand how you can love someone at the same time you’re betraying them. And then a part of me always wonders if my husband is lying. And when I question this, it becomes he gets mad at me and gets discouraged. He says if I’m always going to doubt him, we better move on and get a divorce. But I can’t help it..What can you do when you doubt your husband’s claims that he still loves you despite what did he have an affair about?
My answer to this question may sound very simplistic, but I hope that doesn’t stop you from continuing to read it. The first thing I would say is that no one expects you to blindly believe what he says right now. After all, he hasn’t been telling you the whole truth all along. So it’s completely natural (and even in his best interest at times) to have a healthy dose of doubt and not just accept his claims as true. That being said, you do have the ability to prove his claims. After all, if he’s sincere and truly loves you, he’s likely to remain committed to you, your marriage, and making things work. Nothing says you can’t take it, be open to working things out and see if his claims turn out to be true.
Another point that I would like to make is that it is up to you whether you give your husband the opportunity to prove this to you. I mean, she can claim whatever she wants. But it is his actions and his behaviors that truly indicate how he feels about you. If he does everything he can to help you heal and become the husband you want and need, if he does everything he can to improve and rehabilitate himself, and if he stays true to his commitments to you, then these things would be a pretty good indication that he really loves you.
Hear me when I say that we often doubt his love for us because our own doubts about ourselves are also bothering us. This is certainly not your fault, but being cheated on can really challenge any trust you may have. And as you struggle with your self-esteem and self-esteem, it becomes much easier to doubt someone’s love for you. It becomes much easier to see your flaws instead of accepting your strengths. You should always remind yourself that you are the same person you always were and if he can’t see this then that is his loss. The problem is that you often see this. We are the ones who have the doubts.
So take a look at your own insecurities and doubts and ask yourself if strengthening your self-esteem could help you with this. Finally, for those wives who have trouble believing in their husband’s love after an affair, I suggest that you decide if you are going to give him the opportunity to prove his love for you. And, if she believes that she’s going to give you that chance, then do everything in her power to make it count. If she needs help boosting her self-esteem, then it’s worth getting because it will not only make you feel so much better, but it will give your marriage a fighting chance. It may seem very simplistic, but if you make a lot of effort to love yourself and see where you are kind, it will be much easier for you to believe that he sees the same thing.