In the competition for Angstiest Dane, Prince Hamlet ranks high up alongside Kierkegaard in the “off the charts” division, giving “Hamlet’s Tragedy” a reputation for being grueling and inaccessible. Hamlet spends four of the play’s five acts in deepening existential funk. And rightfully so, considering the fact that a) his dad died two months ago, b) his girlfriend won’t talk to him, c) his mom is already remarried, d) his new “dad” was once his uncle, it’s i.e. mom is butting heads with her own brother-in-law, e) the stepdad also happens to be the guy who killed dad, and of course, the little matter of f) the court *literally* plotting against Hamlet.
In light of these and other circumstances, the fact that the play still manages to make us laugh out loud is quite remarkable. That is, when we’re not so caught up in the drama that we miss the mind games, double/triple listening, and general absurdity characteristic of lesser-known quotes from Hamlet. Temperamental though he may be, Hamlet is not without a sense of humour, and Shakespeare even less so.
Take, for example, the argument between King Claudius and Hamlet after Hamlet murders Polonius.
King: Now, Hamlet, where is Polonius?
(Where’s the corpse, brat?)
Hamlet: At dinner.
(Would not you like to know?)
King: At dinner! Where?
(Watch out, kid!)
Hamlet: Not where he eats, but where he is eaten…
(Guess how many worms he’s feeding!)
King: Oh, oh!
(The guy was an idiot, but what can you do?)
Hamlet: A man can fish with the worm that ate a king, and eat the fish that ate that worm.
(The king becomes food for worms, the worm becomes food for fish, the fish becomes food for fishermen. Ergo, the fisherman eats royalty. Circle of life, asshole.)
King: What do you mean by this?
(What the hell?)
Hamlet: Nothing more than to show you how a king can make his way through the guts of a beggar.
(Nuthin, just wondering if you’ve guessed what will happen *after* going through the guts of a beggar.)
King: Where is Polonium?
(This is your last chance.)
Hamlet: In heaven: send there to see: if your messenger does not find it there, look for it yourself in the other place.
(Go to hell!)
Or what about the passive-aggressive exchange between Hamlet and Ophelia during the play (within the play). Note that all of this happens publicly.
Hamlet: Madam, shall I lie on your lap?
(How about I get between your legs?)
Ophelia: No, my lord.
(No, damn it.)
Hamlet: I mean, my head in your lap?
(All I wanted was to rest my head on your knees!)
Ophelia: Oh, my lord.
(Uh huh.)
Hamlet: Do you think I meant country affairs?
(Psh, you thought I meant sex! Just because the first syllable of “country” rhymes with…)
Ophelia: I believe nothing, my lord.
(I don’t play this game anymore.)
Hamlet: It’s a good idea to lie between the maids’ legs.
(Did you really just say “nothing”? Because that’s slang for female genitalia.)
Ophelia: What is it, my lord?
(What do you have, twelve?!)
Hamlet: Nothing.
(You heard me, darlings.)
The fact that Hamlet is ten times smarter than everyone else, not to mention that he pretends to be crazy so he can say whatever he wants, makes it a truly fun read, even amidst all the crying, brooding, and procrastination. regicide. ing