Polyamory, the practice of having multiple romantic relationships at the same time, and with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved, has received a lot of media attention in recent years. Many married and traditionally monogamous people are now interested in whether polyamory can be something they and their spouse can try. But before you and your spouse dive into finding other lovers and other relationships, there are a few things you might want to think about.
Polyamory is not for the faint of heart. It’s not for fearful and skittish people, because experimenting with opening up your monogamous relationship with other loves will likely bring some of your deepest insecurities to the surface. You can communicate and work with them, but it will surely be painful and difficult and if you are not ready to face some difficult problems then it is probably not the right time for you to try polyamory.
Polyamory is not a medicine for a troubled relationship. If your relationship is already unstable, this is probably not a good time to try to open it up and involve other people. The transition from monogamy to polyamory works best when you start from a strong and stable relationship.
Both you and your partner should be on the same page about wanting to try polyamory. If one person is pressuring the other to start the relationship and the other person really wants to remain monogamous, there is likely tension and even resentment surrounding the idea of trying polyamory. Successful polyamorous relationships work when both partners want to be polyamorous. While there are polymonographic relationships – those in which only one person is a poly and the other is monogamous – these special couples come with their own set of challenges to deal with.
Honest communication is key in any polyamorous relationship and is particularly critical in the early stages of the transition from monogamy to polyamory. It is important that each partner clearly expresses their wishes, expectations and fears and that the other partner listens without judgment and compassion. During the transition, keeping the lines of communication open by communicating frequently with your partner will likely make your foray into polyamory much more seamless. People often say that their communication skills improve when talking about polyamory with their partners. Polyamory is certainly a topic that many people have very strong opinions and emotions about, but by following these guidelines, you too can transition from monogamy to polyamory and successfully incorporate other loves into your relationship.