What to look for in a divorce lawyer and how to deal with them

Many people hire a wedding planner, but no one thinks of planning a divorce that is more complex. What happens is predictable. No plan, no goal, just money down the rabbit hole. Money for lawyers, lost custody battles, lost property, and plenty of surprises.

People come to me miserable and complaining about their lawyers and how their case is falling apart. What do I listen to the most?

Losing custody to abusers

Losing money to spouses who hide assets.

He spent a lot of money and does not see results.

He talked about expensive referrals to therapists, accountants and others.

The lawyer is too busy to talk.

The attorney missed a deadline or failed to make a discovery.

Ignored by the lawyer.

Verbally abuse them.

He threatens to resign just before a trial or hearing if more money is not paid immediately.

How did you get to this point? You felt very comfortable in the first meeting. The lawyer promised you the moon and you felt very taken care of.

The problem is this: Divorce has become a source of income as it has become increasingly popular and complex. It has become so expensive that half of the population getting divorced cannot even afford a lawyer and are forced to represent themselves. Lawyers often come from other specialties (often personal injury) because they hear how much money they can make in family law. Family law is not taught in law school, these attorneys are learning on the job. Worse yet, they know nothing about finances and complex issues with stocks, corporations, or even a family business. They don’t know where to look for hidden assets, and if they do, they don’t know how to litigate in this area. Women are often financially uneducated and the power imbalance of the economic situation puts them in a situation where they leave a lot of community property money on the table.

Are all lawyers bad? No, and if your case is simple, almost any attorney can guide you. The problem arises with more complex cases. Even family law “specialists” are no guarantee of competence, although their advertisements may make you think otherwise.

Don’t look for A ratings in attorney rating books. They are useless. Your friend’s attorney may be a place to start, but every case is different, your attorney may be incompetent in your case.

“Sometimes it may be necessary for a lawyer to evaluate another lawyer, and the weaklings out there are legion, and the ‘certified’ can be certified idiots, unfortunately.” Those are words from a litigator who helps people choose lawyers. He brings skills from his experience to help others identify a good attorney. A ‘good’ attorney has a goal for your case based on a thorough understanding of the issues. A good lawyer knows when to negotiate, when to fight, and how to do it so you don’t spend all of his money doing it. If he doesn’t know something, he is REQUIRED by law to tell you and help you find someone who might. He didn’t wait until he had lost to find out that his attorney didn’t know and didn’t tell.

Plan your divorce more than you planned your wedding. Begin by describing the problems in her case. Being able to say, in 25 words or less, what the problems are. Lawyers like brevity and charge (a lot) for quackery. Interview different lawyers and find someone who thinks linearly. You have a goal and if you end up in a “process”, you will end up “processed”. That’s not what you want. You want people with clear ideas and strategic ideas about your case who have the time to work on it. This may not be the big chic signature with the oriental rugs and a view of the city. If the lawyer doesn’t have time for you, who do you pay? The paralegal?

Divorce is expensive and emotionally distressing. Who do you want on your team? If you choose the wrong one, GET RID OF IT. They may tell you, “You won’t look good in court.” Lawyers I know and trust say, “The court doesn’t care, get the lawyer you need.” If your gardener kills his plants, do you keep him at work? Of course, no. Isn’t your divorce more important than plants?

The skill set you need from a lawyer may not be how to fill out forms. It could be asset management skills, financial analysis, or an understanding of how to handle the abuser in a custody battle. Learn from someone who knows how to determine what her needs are and match that list to the attorney’s skills.

Remember: Goal oriented, not process oriented, and every play must be made toward the goal. Stay focused, objective, and cut your losses if necessary, but keep moving. He wants to get out, to get to the other side, and he can’t do that if his lawyer is holding him back.

Know more. Never stop learning or planning.

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