Understanding and coping with teen angst

By far, adolescence is the most turbulent period in an individual’s life. Most of us wish we could erase the memory of those awkward years; antisocial and sometimes cantankerous behavior; of the pain and bewilderment caused to our parents.

The transition period, when one is neither a child nor an adult, can be frightening for the adolescent and those closest to him. Overnight, parents, teachers, and authorities are seen as enemies. Conversations become monosyllabic. Closed doors eloquently demand privacy. Dressing weird is fashionable. The parents are baffled by this stranger in their midst.

However, there is comfort in that adolescent behavior is simply a passing phase, a milestone on the road to maturity. A better understanding of what is involved will save parents a lot of headaches. It should not be confused with Juvenile Delinquency, which is criminal or antisocial activity committed by young people who probably suffer from a personality disorder or who grow up in a pathological family environment.

Teenagers demand a measure of freedom, but want the security that a home provides. They want to be treated like adults even though they haven’t yet developed basic human relationship skills, and often end up angry with themselves and those who expose their naivety. ‘No one listens to me and no one cares’ is the sentiment that plays in their minds and makes them lonely. They sometimes seek safety in peer groups and identify with the members in dress and behavior.

Why do teenagers behave the way they do?

o Body change, growth spurt, gender-specific changes give them a feeling of being totally out of control. Daniel WA says: ‘A teenager is like a house on moving day.’ Obesity or acne can increase her distress. They imagine they are being persecuted.

o Teenage brains are still developing. Through extensive brain studies, scientists have concluded that brain development between the ages of 10 and 25 is crucial. Again, no uniform development takes place here and different parts are developed at different times. Although the size of the brain is that of an adult at the age of seven, the gray matter that controls executive functions develops slowly in adolescence. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for coordinating the functions of judgment, reasoning, emotions, and behavior, is the last to mature. As a result, teens find it difficult to make sound decisions. They act rashly without considering the consequences. They jump to wrong conclusions and take offense at innocent comments made by parents or other adults. In short, they are unable to control their emotions.

o The other disruptive behavior is the alteration of adolescent sleep patterns. They like to sleep until the wee hours of the morning and are reluctant to get out of bed. Parents understand this as a form of rebellion and brand them as lazy and uncooperative. Changing sleep patterns is important because while sleeping, growth and sexual maturation hormones are released into the bloodstream. The brain’s circadian rhythm is altered to facilitate this process. Therefore, teenagers are early risers. They perk up at night and are wide awake when others want to sleep. They don’t think about turning on their music systems at night, or sitting at their computers until the wee hours of the morning. Parents who are aware of this change will encourage their teens to slow down their activities at night, avoid stimulants like caffeine, and restrict Internet use at night.

Within the brain is a ring-shaped area called the limbic area that generates primary emotions of fear, rage, and rage. The prefrontal area is the one that keeps emotions under control. But since it is not fully developed in adolescence, the limbic area asserts itself. This is the reason why teenagers behave impulsively. Sex hormones acting on the limbic area increase aggressiveness and irritability. Serotonin secretion falls.

As psychologist David Elkin says, “Teenagers believe in their own personal fable: Nothing will happen to me. It only happens to everyone else.”

Parents and teachers will be more tolerant of rude or antisocial behavior if they are aware of these physiological changes.

Ways in which teenagers show their independence:-

1. They engage in unhealthy habits such as smoking, drinking, or experimenting with drugs because they are unable to make sound judgments or assess the harm these habits can cause. Instant gratification is all that matters. The gods of peer pressure give them.

2. They are more prone to accidents as they indulge in drunk driving, speeding, drag racing and distraction on highways. Death, suicide, and homicide rates are highest among adolescents.

3. Anxiety, eating disorders, schizophrenia, and substance abuse can develop in adolescence. The sooner treatment is started, the better the chances of recovery.

4. Girls like to behave like tom boys. Or they may suddenly become aware of their sexual power. They are interested in beauty aids and strange fashions. Or they may develop anorexia nervosa with the idea of ​​keeping their bodies “like willows.”

5. Because sex hormones are overactive, they fall into love traps. Rape, teasing, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases can lead to serious problems. Possessiveness in boys can lead to controlling behavior or even violence against female friends. Free mixing with the opposite sex, exposure to uncensored media, lack of sex education, or even a permissive home environment will lead to experimentation. In the West, 40% of girls in the 13-15 age group are not virgins, 15-20% are addicted to porn, and teenage pregnancies are on the rise like never before.

6. Teenagers have a low level of frustration. They are governed by the pleasure principle and seek instant gratification.

7. Many teens find safety in groups. They prefer to be with friends than at home. Experimenting with alcohol, drugs, or sexual escapades becomes exciting. Truancy from school or running away from home are some of the ways they show their independence.

8. Sometimes they want to maintain a lifestyle they can’t afford. So they start stealing or harassing parents for money.

How to deal with teen angst:-

– Parents need to understand that rebellion is not personal and that despite their rude behavior, teens love their parents and want the safety of home.

– Understanding why teens behave the way they do is important. This is just a temporary phase of maybe 2-3 years until they reach adulthood.

– Parents should give their children unconditional love and discipline. Discipline must be constant. Boundaries give children a sense of security. Discipline helps them relate to themselves and mature.

– Parents should lead by example They should always present a united front to their children. The authority of the parents in the home must be indisputable. The New Age formula of treating children as equals is dangerous. There can be no equality between parents and children. This will only bring negative repercussions. Children begin to think that everything can be negotiated. Parents should insist on good behavior. They must make their adolescent children aware of social violence and teach them sexual correctness and the dangers of unprotected sex.

– There must be openness when discussing serious issues such as good behavior and the misuse of freedom. Topics should be introduced tactfully so that the teen feels safe talking about his problems, knowing that his parents have his best interests in mind.

– The doors of communication should always be left open. Listening to the adolescent and her problems is the most important component of communication. Some parents try to impose their unfulfilled dreams on their children and force them to do what they don’t want to do. This causes them to rebel.

– Lately, many parents have started spying on their children and they feel perfectly justified in doing so. They can search their rooms or scan their diaries or even sneak up on them to see if they use drugs, alcohol or misbehave with the opposite sex. Some parents even employ private detectives. There is a chance that this could backfire and permanently damage the parent-child relationship. John Stott believes that “loving but firm confrontation is a better approach than espionage.”

– Socializing with peer groups can be healthy and harmless. Teens need to exchange information and share experiences, and know that others are going through similar changes. However, parents should be aware of the type of friends they associate with and the activities they engage in so as not to abuse their freedom.

Adolescence is a difficult stage in the life of an individual. Due to various changes – physical, emotional, sexual – there is a growing fear of the unknown. Teens need our encouragement and empathy.

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