14-year-old girl: “Sex for me is like dancing. I love dancing with different men.”
Doctor: “Do you feel something when you dance with these men?”
14-year-old girl: “Sometimes. I have a lot of feelings. They last for a while and then they go away.”
Doctor: “Do these men even have feelings for you”?
14-year-old girl: “Sometimes, for a minute.”
Doctor: “If you have a sister and she tells you she wants to have sex, what are you going to tell her?”
14-year-old girl: “I’ll tell him to wait.”
Doctor: “Then why do you do what you do”?
14-year-old girl: “I’m the most popular girl in 9th grade.”
This is dialogue (although not verbatim) from a movie I recently saw on TV. It was very realistic, it surely caught my attention and inspired me to write this article.
Just like this girl in the movie, I had sex when I was 14 years old. The only difference between her and me was that she was having sex with only one guy and that she didn’t have a disease. Still, a lot of her thoughts were my own thoughts back then, and I’m sure these are your thoughts too…in a way.
There is something about sex that makes us very curious at a young age. It makes us wonder how it feels. It makes us think that we become more mature when we get involved in it. And just like what this girl thought, it makes us think that we can gain popularity through that.
When your friends start sharing their sexual experiences with you, you start to wonder how they really feel. And most of the time, people will paint a really nice picture in your mind even if they didn’t enjoy it. The boys brag about it; and the girls too. No one will ever talk about their bad experiences with him.
Having sex for guys makes them feel like they’ve conquered something. It makes them feel like real men. For girls, it’s totally different. She begins to feel good when the boy begins to like her. She doesn’t really see it as sex. She sees it more as getting her attention and being wanted by this guy. This is what the 14-year-old girl in the movie meant when she said that boys’ feelings for her last a minute. Then she starts wanting the attention again, which is why she eventually keeps giving in.
Regardless of age, boys and girls will always be the same. I remember a saying that goes: Boys give love to have sex; Girls give sex to get love. In short, men are lusty beings and women are emotional beings. You put these two needs together and you have teenagers whose hormones and testosterones are easily activated.
Unfortunately, teen sex never leads to anything good. In fact, God himself is against it, not because he doesn’t want you to enjoy it, but because he really wants you to enjoy it. Think of it this way… your parents want to give you the best car you can get. They don’t want to give you anything less than that. However, they have to wait for the right time to give it to you. God is the same way. He wants to give you the gift of sex, which was designed by Him, at the right time and place, and that is in marriage.
Believe me, no teen who has ever had sex has ever enjoyed it the way God designed it to be enjoyed. Honestly, their bodies aren’t fully developed yet when they’re teenagers. More than that, you are still mentally and emotionally immature. You may think you are or may be physically good at it, but that doesn’t mean it’s good in the way that it can be good.
It takes deep intimacy with the other person to feel so free and relaxed about sex. This intimacy and freedom can only be experienced in marriage. In marriage there is no fear of being caught, of having a disease, of acting better than others, of proving yourself to your partner, etc. You are free to be who God made you to be. You freely serve the other person because of your great love for them. It is not a superficial high but something very deep and intense.
Teen sex can feel good, but it doesn’t last. It only scratches the surface. So it leads to destruction. How many teenage pregnancies and abortions have resulted from this? How many extreme jealousies leading to murder have occurred as a result? How many adolescents acquired sexually transmitted diseases as a result? How many boys and girls have been hurt and injured in effect?
In that movie I was talking about, a girl had oral sex with her boyfriend. She really liked it. Then one day the guy took her to her room with another friend with her girlfriend and wanted her to have group sex with them. The girl said, “But I just want to have sex with you.” She was so shocked at what he was trying to do. She ran away and the boy was still in the room with the other couple. That surely broke his heart.
Teenage boys aren’t mature enough to even understand the emotions girls go through. Teenage girls are not mature enough to handle their own emotions. This is where things can get really messy. It’s a lot of drama, for sure.
Teen sex, or any other sex outside of marriage, will never work the way sex was designed because it works against the grain. It’s like using an appliance for something it wasn’t designed for. You may think it’s working until the engine dies or it breaks completely.
Sex is God’s gift to you for your marriage. It is supposed to be your gift to your future husband/wife. It is not meant to be opened now and used by someone else. Even if you eventually end up married to the person you’re having sex with, you can’t open the gift early, or you’ll ruin it. This happened to me and that’s why my first marriage failed. He was my boyfriend at 14 and the boy I gave my virginity to. I had sex with him at 14 and continued to have sex with him, which led to my pregnancy and a marriage neither of us were prepared for. It hurts not only him and me, but also our children and the people around us.
It is not as difficult as you think if you believe that you deserve the best. This is where it all begins. If you believe that you deserve nothing but the best that God has to offer, you will wait for the best and the best time. You won’t just give that special gift to just anyone. It is reserved for the person God created for you.
It will also be easier if you keep in mind that you have an enemy out there who is dying to destroy you, kill you and steal from you. His name is satan and he is your number one enemy. He wants you to give up that gift so you don’t have the best that God has to offer. He wants to steal that gift from you. He wants to kill you with a disease or with the wrath of a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend. He wants to destroy your life. Giving in to sex before marriage is giving in to the devil. You want that?
In the midst of peer pressure and temptation, you can win if you focus on God and His Word. You won’t be able to do it on your own. You need Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit.